


Why Don't You Come To Your Senses?

by LonelySparrow



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack, Harry goes to jail, I don't even know what I was doing with this, Jail, Kissing, LMAO, M/M, Police, dumb jokes, hah, stupid humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelySparrow/pseuds/LonelySparrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry gets arrested and Niall finds out some interesting news when he receives a phone call from Mr. Criminal himself. Slightly cracky, cute and fluffy and a very tiny bit sexy but not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Don't You Come To Your Senses?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a bit on the cracky side. I saw a picture of Harry that looked like he was getting arrested or something I don't really know it was earlier today and then I sat down and was thinking about it and I was like I GOTTA WRITE THIS. So I did. And it turned out weird but rather cute and fluffy.

Niall Horan bolts upright in bed with a hand pressed just above his left eyebrow. Somewhere to his right, Beyonce is singing about single ladies and rings and Niall knows that it is far too early for Harry Styles to be calling. When he glances at his alarm clock, bright neon blue numbers cast a faint glow. He realizes that the time is just past four a.m. and his assumption was indeed correct.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” He grumbles as he crawls away from the center of the bed and the warm spot left behind in his sheets to scramble for the phone on the bedside table.

He pulls the charging cord out before lifting it to his ear, “What the fuck could you possibly want, Harry? It’s four in the morning.”

“Nialler! Erm, haaaayyy.” He giggles and Niall realizes that he’s completely pissed, “So, um, I was just calling to let you know that the police are arresting me!”

Harry gives a cheer and Niall swears his heart skips a few beats and picks up rhythm in double time, “What do you mean you’re being arrested, where are you!?”

“I’m at the National History Museum! I tried to steal a polar bear statue!” He sounds so proud of himself that Niall can’t help but burst into laughter. Harry continues to giggle but Niall stops when he realizes that Harry Styles is _being arrested._

“Why did you try to steal a polar bear?” Niall asks curiously. He knows that logically he should be phoning the management company and the women that takes care of their public relations bullshit but he can’t help himself.

“You remember we were watching that David Attenborough documentary on the tele on the tour bus a few months ago and you said you wanted a polar bear, and I’m trying to woo you so I tried to steal a polar bear statue. I was gonna get you a real one but I couldn’t climb the gate at the zoo. So I got inside the National History Museum!”

It’s too much to process. The only thing Niall hears is _I’m trying to woo you._

“Harry, that was months ago, why do you still remember that? And I was joking!” Niall exclaims.

“I remember everything you tell me, Niall. I love you.” Harry slurs out and he can hear voices in the background and some forceful sounding commands.

“I know, I love you too, Harry but what the hell were you thinking mate? You’re a bloody millionaire you probably could have bought a stuffed polar bear off Ebay or something!” 

“No, Niall. Ya don’t get it. I like proper love you. Like I quite want to see you naked and stuff. And we can grow old and have wheelchair races and throw custard at the people who eat grass in the homes!” Harry argues.

Niall doesn’t know what to say. His best friend just told him that he loved him and wanted to see him naked and a bunch of other nonsense bullshit that Niall didn’t really understand but the point of it all is that Harry Styles just told Niall that he _loved him._ Niall’s been harboring a crush on Harry for…shit, maybe _years._ Niall doesn’t know. He doesn’t know when he stopped looking at Harry as a mate, and started looking at him like somebody he’d like to kiss on the mouth and dick touch.

“Harry, you’re talking shit. You’re heads not on straight.”

“Well of course it’s not. That’s why I like _you._ "

“Harry.” Niall doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He settles for silence.

“Sir, call times up. Get off the phone. We’re taking you to the police station for further questioning” Niall’s stomach drops. Harry’s really going to be put in handcuffs. He’s really going to jail. He spares a moment of thought for the headlines tomorrow. _HARRY IN HANDCUFFS_ and _BEAR-Y STYLES EARLY MORNING THEFT?_

“Niall!” Harry panics, voice quivering, “Niall, I’m scared. They’re taking me away! Please help me, Niall! Please, I love you!”

“Calm down, Harry, calm down. It’s okay. Just do what the policeman tells you. I’m going to come get you, okay? Calm down. Don’t fight the policeman. Just be nice and do what he says, yeah?” Niall tries to assure as he slips out of bed and hunts around for some pants.

He pulls yesterday’s jeans over his hips while cradling the phone to his ear.

“I’ve got to go Niall. Mr….wait, what’s your name? Oh. Mr. Filmore is _taking me downtown._ ” Harry laughs in Niall’s ear and the phone clicks off, signaling the call’s end.

Niall immediately dials Liam. He’s level-headed. He’ll know what to do. Niall’s currently trying to take everything in. His best friend and bandmate has just been arrested. Said bandmate has also just proclaimed his love and attempted to woo Niall by stealing a polar bear statue from a national museum.

It takes several minutes before Liam picks up and as soon as he hears Liam’s groggy, ‘hullo?’ he remembers the time.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Liam. Shit! Just, uh, Harry’s just been arrested for trying to steal a polar bear statue at the National History Museum.” Niall gushes out in one breath.

“What!?” Liam cries and he hears a loud thump.

“Liam? Liam, are you okay?” Niall asks worriedly. He’s rushing through the house now, pulling on a jumper and a coat and hunting for keys to his Range Rover.

“Harry’s been arrested? Mate, this is not funny. It’s four in the morning.” Liam snipes out.

“No, I’m deadly serious. Harry’s just called me and I heard the police in the background. He really did get arrested. He was…I don’t…Liam he told me he loved me. As in the naked and growing old kind of love and he said he was stealing the polar bear to WOO me.” Niall has to sit down for a moment. He’s feeling a bit light headed.

“Niall, I—I don’t know what to say. This is—this is insane. Okay. So uhm, do you have feelings about Harry? Do you love him, like proper relationship type love?” Liam asks.

It’s silent for too long. Niall doesn’t have to answer. Liam already can guess.

“Shit, mate. Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you tell us? How long have you been in love with him?” Liam doesn’t sound like he’s judging Niall. In fact, he sounds like he’s proud of Niall. It’s all very confusing.

“I don’t—I don’t know Liam! I didn’t want to tell anybody that I liked guys. I mean, I still like girls, but I think I just really like Harry. As in more than just my friend and I was scared to say anything because I didn’t know what you all would think.” Niall’s heart beat is pounding through his veins and he swears his chest is vibrating with the force of it.

“Niall, we’d never judge you for it. Never. You’re our best friend. It doesn’t make a difference who you love. Although its quite surprising you’ve picked Harry of all people. He’s got two left feet and shit taste in music, mate,” and it’s just like Liam to crack a joke and settle everything between them. Liam’s always the one to calm everyone down and put everybody at ease. Niall thinks he could burst into tears with utter joy at how amazing one of his best friends is being right now.

“Liam? Thank you,” Niall whispers.

“It’s okay, Niall. I promise we don’t care. Louis, Zayn, they won’t care at all. And apparently Harry sounds like he’s completely okay with it as well.” Liam chuckles.

“Okay. Okay. Then, um, okay. We can deal with feelings and band politics later, what on earth do we do about Harry?” Niall reasons.

“Okay, I’ll call the other lads and let them know what’s up and I’ll contact our publicist. You go to the station and see if you can make sense of what’s happened,” Liam directs. Niall stands from the chair and crosses to the front door. He makes sure his keys are safely tucked into his coat pocket before closing and locking the front door behind him. 

“Okay, I’ll do just that. Thanks for everything, Payno.” Niall sincerely states.

“It’s no problem, Nialler. Drive safely and don’t do anything stupid. One band member in jail is plenty,” Liam seriously banters.

They finish their goodbyes and Niall traipses through the falling rain to the Range Rover. He gets inside and starts the vehicle, immediately blasting the heat.

He doesn’t know what to do or what to think. Harry says he loves him, but he’s completely knackered. Niall doesn’t know whether Harry will hold to his statement once he’s sober or if he’ll just chalk it up to being drunk. 

As he leaves the flat behind, he prays that Harry meant it.

\---------

“Mr. Styles? You’re free to go,” A police man stands over him, wide shoulders and dark uniform. He keys open Harry’s handcuffs and leads him out of the cell and through several hallways and automatic doors with loud, snapping locks. His head is killing him and he could really use the toilet soon. He’s also utterly embarrassed and has no idea what to say to Niall when he next sees him.

But of course, Harry’s night can only get worse because standing at the main entrance of the jail is Niall Horan, their publicist, and a few other familiar faces from their team, including Paul Higgins.

He doesn’t know what to say to any of the curious faces staring back at him. Paul and their publicist, Maria, step forward to help with the paperwork. Harry has to sign several forms and listen to a very long lecture about alcohol consumption and burglary and breaking and entering before he’s free to go. He also must agree to pay a fine of several thousand quid to cover the broken window of the museum. When everything is said and done, some of the police members ask for pictures for their kids. Harry has to oblige of course, and once finished, he leaves sheepishly. 

He’s blinded by the flashing lights of paparazzi and the rising sun peeking over the tops of buildings. He’s exhausted, looks like pond life, and could really use a shower but he knows that it will all have to wait until after he’s been thoroughly lectured. 

He’s shuffled from the police station directly into a waiting Range Rover with dark tinted windows. Niall, Maria, and Paul climb in as well and Harry groans. Niall looks over concerned and goes to ask Harry if he’s alright but Harry shakes his head and buries his head in his hands.

“I can’t believe you, Harry. What on earth were you thinking? Do you know what you’ve done? God, this is going to take weeks to sort out!” Maria starts in as soon as the door is closed. She’s not exactly yelling at him, but her very shrill voice echoes around the car and makes Harry’s headache flare.

He groans softly again.

“Stop your groaning! I don’t care how sick you feel right now! You probably deserve it after what you’re going to put everyone through! Do you realize what this means Harry? Jesus! We’ve got to deal with the media and the news, not to mention what the fans are going to think. You were being absolutely selfish! What you do clearly reflects the rest of the band and this is just absurd. Honestly, Harry, a polar bear I can’t believe y-“

“Hey, Maria? I think we can deal with this in the morning. Let’s just get him back to his flat before he throws up in the car or passes out. You’ll have plenty of time to yell at him tomorrow.” Paul butts in. He gives him a meaningful look in thanks before his stomach starts to roll in nausea. He reaches out for something or even somebody to anchor him. He needs something else to focus on.

Niall sees Harry struggling and snakes his hand across the seat, entangling his fingers with Harry’s own. 

Harry feels a shock and nearly pulls away but when he looks up and sees Niall smiling a tiny grin, he smiles back and squeezes his hand in thanks.

Maria attempts to argue with Paul, but when he wants to be, Higgins can be quite the intimidating bloke. Maria sits in stony silence for the rest of the ride.

When they arrive at Harry’s flat, Maria warns him that there will be a meeting tomorrow at noon to discuss their plan of action. She also tells him not to tweet or text anybody about what’s happened and if contacted by the media he is to make no statement. After more blathering, he is finally released. He hops out of the car and goes to close it with his hip when a pale hand shoots out to stop him.

“I’m getting out too!” He tells the rest of the car.

Paul gives him a funny look and Maria looks as if she’s going to pull out a gun and shoot Niall dead but says nothing. Harry’s heart picks up in rhythm. If Niall’s getting out that means he’s probably staying and if Niall’s staying that means he’s going to want to talk. A shiver runs down Harry’s spine.

They close the door and walk up the steps to the front door of Harry’s flat in silence. Niall walks beside Harry, mere inches of space between them until Harry stops to key open the door. It takes him a few tries but Niall gets too impatient. He rips the keys from Harry’s hand and shoves the door open once the lock clicks. They stumble inside and Harry hits the lights.

As soon as Harry puts his keys down on a table and the door has swung shut with a scuffle, he’s assaulted. Niall’s lips are on Harry’s, licking into his mouth and his hands are running all along his sides and through his hair. It takes a few moments for Harry’s mind to catch up but soon he dominates the kiss and turns Niall around to press him against the wall in the hallway. They’re both groaning into each other’s mouths and Harry presses a thigh between Niall’s own. They go on for what feels like hours. 

Harry’s hands skim beneath Niall’s shirt, cold hands touching warm, soft skin. He breaks the kiss when he realizes how awful his mouth must taste. He’d drank his weight in WKD and stale beer and shot after fruity shot.

Niall’s panting, lungs heaving to get more air. He rests his forehead against Harry’s chest. His warm breath blows through Harry’s thin t-shirt and sends goosepimples along the skin.

Niall’s quiet for several minutes and Harry’s worried he’s fallen asleep until Niall steps back and walks down the hallway to Harry’s kitchen. Harry’s stomach turns to ice and he freezes. He leans against the wall, forearm pressed across it so his head can have something soft to lean on as he lets out a massive sigh. 

He hears cupboards opening and the whistling of the kettle. He spares a thought to what Niall might look like in Harry’s kitchen every morning, cup of tea in his hands and his iPod plugged into the speakers on the counter. Harry thinks he’d really love to see that.

He stumbles down the hallway to the kitchen. Niall’s standing at the counter. His palms are pressed flat against it and they’re spread wide. His head is down, chin tucked to his chest and his eyes are closed. His shoulders are tense and all the muscles in Niall’s back are pulled taught. Harry spends a moment ogling him. 

He doesn’t know if he should say something, or just wait. He stands across the kitchen in silence. Niall can make the first move. 

“Harry, I—“ Niall starts, turning around and folding his arms across his chest after a few moments. The kettles done by now, so he pulls it off and begins to pour two cups of tea. His blonde hair is pushed up in the back from Harry’s fingers and his shirt’s hanging off his shoulder a bit. He looks well fucked, even though they were only making out. It makes Harry’s dick twitch in his trousers.

Niall spins around, offering Harry his cup. He goes to ask for sugar but Niall’s already pressing on, “It’s got two sugars and a splash of milk. S’just how you like it.”

Harry nods and accepts the tea. Something flutters in his stomach. Niall knows how he likes his tea. It shouldn’t surprise him so much because they are in a band together, but it’s still something intimately familiar.

“Harry? Did you mean what you said?” He pauses, picking his words carefully, “Did you mean it? That you loved me?”

He’s looking up at Harry from beneath his ashy, pale eyelashes. It’s unbearable cute. 

Harry hums in the back of his throat, settling his tea down on the island and pressing into Niall’s space. He wraps one hand around his tiny waist and the other around the tiny hairs at the back of Niall’s neck. He tilts Niall’s head back until he gets the angle he wants before pressing his lips into his in a passionate kiss. This one is a bit more chaste than the first. Not as much tongue. More brushing of mouths and fingers rubbing soft skin.

Niall pulls back a bit, shaking his head and groaning, “s’not what I said.”

Harry grins, “I know.”

He presses his lips to Niall’s again before stepping back. He hooks his fingers through Niall’s belt loops to prevent him from moving too far out of Harry’s space.

“I meant what I said, Niall. I really do. Love you, I mean. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for months. I’m always thinking about it. About you and I. I’ve been thinking about the flush on your cheeks and your favorite songs and that really great round of golf we played in the Aus. And I’ve been thinking about your hands,” Harry lifts one of Niall’s into his own, linking their fingers, “How they would look in mine.”

“I’ve been thinking about your eyes and how very very blue they are. And your smile. And sometimes I think about your crooked teeth and I miss them a bit. They were quite cute. I’ve been thinking about all of these things for months and I didn’t know what to do or what to say. So I didn’t say anything. I wanted to impress you. That’s why I’ve been hanging around you so much. It’s pure torture to not be able to touch you or kiss you and sometimes it made me upset when you hung around with Louis or Zayn more than me. But you weren’t mine and I couldn’t say anything and I wasn’t brave enough.”

He pauses, swallowing back his fear, “And I’m sorry that it took me getting drunk to tell you those words. I wished I would have said them when I was sober and not about to go to jail. I’ve been thinking about telling you. It’s been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe that’s why I told you after I’d had so much to drink.”

Niall listens intently. Squeezing Harry’s hand to show he’s listening when the taller boy has to stop and collect his thoughts.

“I was just scared, Niall. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know what the rest of the band would think. I still don’t know what they’ll think but if you’re willing, I think I’d quite like to call you mine. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because we’ve got something really special and I sound like a soap right now but I’m completely serious. I love you Niall. So much that I’d steal a polar bear from a national museum for you.”

Niall laughs. It’s loud and echoes around the kitchen and it makes Harry’s toes curl in his stupid brown boots. Niall presses kisses all along Harry’s mouth and chin and cheeks. 

“You’re so stupid. I don’t know what I see in you,” He giggles.

“Could be my stunning good looks and my curly hair and my tight jeans. That’s what the girls on Twitter say. Among other things…” Harry says suggestively, trying and failing to curl his eyebrows.

Niall shakes his head and kisses Harry on the lips. He doesn’t pull back too far though, so when he tells Harry “I love you” it tickles his skin. Niall shoves more into Harry’s space, pressing his body all along Harry’s. Harry pulls him close with an arm around his waist. 

“It’s crazy that you’ve been feeling those things, Haz. Because I’ve been feeling them, too. I’ve been thinking about you and being with you since….maybe the X Factor. I don’t really know. I just know that one day, I woke up, and I didn’t see you as my best mate. I saw you and I wondered what it might be like to see you naked instead,” Niall admits shyly, face pressed into Harry’s neck to hide his blush. Harry can feel the heat on his cheeks though. It causes him to chuckle and the vibrations rattle Niall’s chest.

 

“Would you like to find out?”


End file.
